6 Ways to Teach Others How to Love Us
Anxiously HUMAN
Ahh… if only humans came with Love Manuals.
Unfortunately, we do not. We are each unique and have a set of standards or values that we hold for ourselves. Deep down, we know EXACTLY how we want to be treated and loved.
So why is it so hard to get?
Well, it’s simple really: we settle, we dilute our values for others, and we forget to love ourselves most. Letting things like loneliness and fear of being alone drive these behaviors. Another factor is that we never really learned how to love OURSELVES properly to begin with. That is the core of the next six tools to help you get the love you want and deserve!
#1- Make a list of NON-NEGOTIABLES
This is KEY. This is not a list of things you would like, this is a list of things you need. It shouldn’t be lengthy and they should consist of major pain points or core values you are not willing to compromise on. For some great guidelines to begin with, check this short article by Good Men Project…here.
#2- Treat yourself well.
Ever heard of the phrase “lead by example”? Well this is a surefire way to teach others how to love & respect you. (Yes, they go hand in hand). Self-love and self-compassion are the foundation of everything, because it determines how you feel about yourself, which will in turn teach others your boundaries and how they should treat you. For practical tools on self-love, no guru-vagueness involved, check out this 20 min podcast…here.
#3- Treat others the way you wish to be treated.
Yes, we learned this in grade school. So why don’t more people do it?! I ask myself this often. Listen, being transparent, honest, and considerate takes WORK. Being a good person requires EFFORT. We have bad days too, we let our emotions get the best of us too, we have selfish moments too! Self-discipline is the key to success in any relationship, friendship, or business. FACTS.
#4- Communicate!
Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Wellllll, it is not. I would say the number one killer of relationships is lack of or bad communication. People are not mind readers, and dropping hints instead of being direct is SO CHILDISH. Learn to speak up, voice your needs & desires, and you would be surprised at how much more of them you get. Check out this article in Entrepreneur to improve this skill…here.
#5- Pay attention to the things that make you FEEL loved.
If you don’t know, how the heck is anyone else supposed to?! Going back to the communication thing, this is a way for you to communicate with your inner spirit. That warm fuzzy feeling that creeps over you sometimes, around certain people? The way you feel when someone in particular holds you or touches you? Pay attention to it, lean towards it. This is pure physiology at it’s finest. Even if you really, really like someone… but they don’t give you THAT feeling (you know the one I’m talking about)…then they aren’t going to be able to fulfill your love needs.
#6- Be yourself 100% of the time.
This is probably the most important one! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. You will never feel true love while putting on a front. If you feel you are diluting yourself, sugar-coating yourself, or otherwise altering your true nature around certain people…they will not know the REAL you, and they will be incapable of loving the REAL you. Period. Get a little more clarity on authenticity…here.
Obviously without loving yourself, none of these will be effective. I am not one of those self-love gurus or life coaches that preaches it and gives no practical advice how to actually cultivate it. If you’re starting from ground zero, you can check out my Practical Self-Love Toolkit episode here.
Getting the relationships and friendships we want shouldn’t be so hard, and having some sort of guideline to go by sure helps a shit ton. I hope this was helpful to you, and if you think anyone you know would like it, I would love for you to share!! As always, I appreciate your time and attention.
xo…G
