Why You Can’t Run From Your Trauma
TRAUMA. That loaded, heavy word. It can mean so many things to so many people.
It could mean an accident, being exposed to a dangerous environment (war zone or ghetto), an abusive parent or caregiver, physical/sexual/mental abuse by a family member or stranger, or a traumatic relationship as an adult. I’m sure I could think of a few more, but you catch my drift.
Interestingly enough, the scars from emotional or mental trauma can far outlast physical abuse or trauma. This is due to the fact that the subconscious does a couple of things that are meant to protect, but actually end up prolonging.
- Numbing is a biological process in which emotions are detached from thoughts, behaviors, and memories. The brain does this as a defense mechanism to protect from further distress.
- Suppression is more of a conscious effort, in which we dismiss or bury trauma or memories of trauma to avoid re-living it and/or the uncomfortable feat of processing the emotions. The subconscious, however, stores these memories and experiences in a type of archive, and certain triggers can cause them to surface in REAL TIME.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “the only way out, is through”. Unfortunately, for trauma-survivors, this is both terrifying and daunting.
One of the most common responses to unaddressed, past trauma is self-punishment. There are many forms, but a few are: self-medicating (substance abuse), self-harm (cutting/suicide), self-sabotage, and self-destruction (engaging in dangerous behavior). Dangerous behavior can be over/under-eating, promiscuity, and other risk-taking or unhealthy behavior. For a more comprehensive list, click here.
Where To Start
Ok, so you’ve read the list above and can definitely identify with and relate to some of this, now what?!
Well you can start by doing 3 very simple, but maybe slightly uncomfortable things:
- Write down the things you are currently doing to self-sabotage/self-punish.
- Write down the things that trigger you or upset you on a regular basis, that you think maybe* could be linked to past experiences.
- Write down as many of those painful, traumatic experiences as you can remember.
Yikes, right?!
I know this exercise doesn’t sound fun, but boy is it effective! When you see things in black and white on paper, even the stuff you have repressed, it can create a CLICK. You need that mental click, trust me. It’s the beginning of a beautiful chapter.
But what does that mean? What kind of chapter?
The kind where you no longer need to numb yourself with alcohol or drugs.
The kind where spending over your budget or splurging on food even though you hate your weight, are unhealthy and out of shape- is over.
The kind where you stop choosing toxic people and relationships that lead to a dead end.
The kind where you quit self-sabotaging and become the you that you’ve always wanted to.
There is no way to measure trauma because each person is unique, and each situation or event is unique. There is no comparison or “well she didn’t have it THAT BAD”. The wounds that we carry from our own personal trauma stories are deeply ingrained in who we are…
And those wounds can either make us strong, resilient, and wise- or it can make us bitter, destructive forces of pain. Both to ourselves and to others. I have walked those shoes of self-sabotage and self-punishment. I have inflicted punishment on others because of my pain. So my advice does not come from rose-colored glasses…
It comes from experience.
The work is not fun or easy, but it does bring closure. It does bring awareness and ownership. Strength. Accountability. You are not responsible for what happens to you 100% of the time, but you are responsible for how you handle it!
You can take the pain and suffering you endured and continue to inflict it on yourself and others, or you can say:
“NO. I am better than my past and the things that people did or said to me. I DESERVE a good life and to treat myself extra gently and with kindness because others did not at certain times. Because if I don’t treat myself well, I can never truly treat anyone else well, either.”
The only way out is through.
I hope if you took anything from this, it is that final thought.
As per usual, I appreciate your time and attention. If you read this and think it can help someone, I would love for you to share. Please feel free to leave comments or get in touch with me via email gabrielle@wellnessinvestor.com.
xo...G
